everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I love you. Go after that dick
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
