i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
