You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
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Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
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I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize