when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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