The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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