It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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