My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
