Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
