it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
