why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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