good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
