He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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