He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Randomize
