Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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