At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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