I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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