I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
