Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
