Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
