Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
