there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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