I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
