guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
