I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
