Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Semen is not good for contacts.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
