Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
