I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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