nut hugger
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
