You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
