Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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