with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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