i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Are my feet made of real feet?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
