Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
