she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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