she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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