omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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