Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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