rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
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We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
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I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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