I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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