So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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