So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
