New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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