I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
