Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
