Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
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From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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