Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize