Screwed.edu
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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