I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
