What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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