i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
