Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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