Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
