How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
