She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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