I wish they made helmets for livers.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
