Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
