So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
