if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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