Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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