I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
