i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I want a musical about memes.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
