just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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